Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
