I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
