Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
