we have pet lesbian snakes
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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