i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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