Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
