remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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