I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.