I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.