it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
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First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"