Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
