I can tuck mytits in my pants
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?