i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy