I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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