Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
