Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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