how can u be prego again
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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