we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
