I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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