I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
