I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Semen is not good for contacts.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The power of my boobs compel you
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
