Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
