I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
