dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
