goodnight i made you a song goodbye
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
