i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
