I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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