dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
