You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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