What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
