Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize