I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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