guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
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She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
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Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize