You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a hot homeless man
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
