I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize