Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
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