You can't special order awesome
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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