Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
