I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
