So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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