So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
