people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
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