When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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