First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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