every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
