Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
