On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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