you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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