You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
