it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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