i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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