I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I love you.
Bad choice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
