bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
