I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
