I think i peed on brittanys purse
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We are all done wearing pants today
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
