I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
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