i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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