You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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