I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
