Farmville is her only friend.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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