hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
