im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
