woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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