Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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