So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
