go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
