We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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